Yesterday Dad and I celebrated our 9th anniversary. I've been blessed enough to be married to a man who loves me for who I am for 9 whole years. I'm not sure why, but as I laid in bed last night trying to fall asleep I kept remembering something that happened several years ago...
I was about four months postpartum with my third baby. We had traveled to Utah for Dad's little brother's wedding and while we were downtown with my parents we ran into a girl I hadn't seen since right after Stinky was born. She and I hadn't been friends until we were both in our late teens, when we were younger she was always in the crowd I wasn't welcome in. I was never really comfortable around her friends but she and I alone got to be pretty good friends in the short couple of years we had. She was even one of my bridesmaids. But I got married and had kids and we drifted apart... suddenly we had nothing to talk about.
Sitting on a concrete bench with my new baby in his carrier at my feet and my older two monsters no doubt running amock I stared into a shoe store full of shoes that I no longer had the body, the budget or a good reason to wear. For some reason looking at that store made me want to cry and remember wishing we could sit somewhere else. I noticed her as she approached from the other direction. She looked great, like she had some where great to be. I had time to notice her really nice clothes, her very well styled hair, her cute little purse and the way her heels went perfectly with her gray slacks before I realized I knew her. I wanted to die but for some reason I called out to her. She came over and said hi and I showed off my kids and she went on her way. We still didn't really have much to talk about. She disappeared inside the shoe store.
I cried about it to Dad later. I cried about how lousy I had looked. About my roots, and my lack of make up, about how crappy the nylon diaper bag I carried around looked and the several dress sizes that now separated the two of us. I was back in elementary school and she was a part of a club that laughed at me for even trying to be a part of them. As I wallowed and cried Dad said something amazing that pulled me out of it... "I saw the way she looked at you and your kids. At your new baby. She would have traded."
Lately I am drowning. I am so insanely busy anymore that I often don't have time to stop myself from wallowing and remember how blessed I am. It's times like this that I am grateful that I have Dad...
...who has seen me at my worst and has never stopped lifting me up. And my kids...
...who probably don't realize how much little things like that mean.
I haven't seen or talked to her since that day. Her folks still live close to mine so I've heard a few things...but she and I haven't talked. I hope that wherever she is she is happy. I hope that she has someone who loves her as much as Dad loves me. I hope she still walks like she has somewhere amazing to be. I hope she still wears great shoes. And I hope she knows that it doesn't really matter what shoes she has on.
3 comments:
Golly. what a beautiful post. I want to fall into a hole every time I see anyone from my single days. I am too fat, too dumpy, too old, too this, too that and feel too inadequate. Thanks for the reminder that I am TOO blessed too.
I almost had the exact conversation with Richard, similar story. I was complaining about how someone I know has everything I want, has a great paying job, has a great house, has basically no bills, has a good looking body...has everything I want, except a wonderful husband and 3 boys that mean more to me than everything in this world. It made me realize I would rather not have the best house in the world, the great body and all the money in the world than have all that and not have my kisses and the love you mom's, and snuggles from my babies and husband. Sometimes you forget how truly blessed we are, thank you for the wonderful post I have 2 lately forgotten how blessed I am too.
You have all the things that really matter. Everything else changes...
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