Embrace the Camera

Here's Booger Head and I on the Carousel at Six Flags, sucky hair and all. He's such a stud. Thanks to Dad for taking a picture of me to prove that I was there...

 Love the pacifier blur :)

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (just not in that order)

Bad: On Friday night, just as I pulled in with the sitter, the oil light on the crap wagon flickered. Now I don't know a lot about cars but I do know that that is bad. Dad checked the oil and the dipstick was dry...no oil in the garage, no smoke plume trailing behind us...we put a quart in it and went on our date anyways. I have a sitter. No way am I wasting that.

Good: Got the oil changed, they couldn't find any reason for it to be without oil either, and had the state inspection done...and it PASSED! The first time!

Ugly: The check after our hibachi and sushi (Dad, not me. Eww.) dinner was $40, AFTER a $25 restaurant.com gift card I got for free with my Swagbucks, which is a TERRIBLE search engine but hey, $25 off of dinner after only one month of using them is pretty cool. And it was nice to go somewhere fancier than our usual fare.

Bad: The burning electronics smell coming from the compy on Saturday afternoon. The power supply was toast, literally. Stoooopid compy. So now I am coming to you from the laptop, which is perched on the edge of the desk in front of the compy-which is serving as a monument to broken computers. The new power supply should be here in just a couple of days. It's surprising how fast we got used to being a two computer family...Dad and I are sort of addicted.

Good: Our afternoon at Six Flags. I was really worried about the rain, and the nursing in the rain and how Booger Head would handle it but he did great. It was humid but it didn't pour on us, and never got to be too hot really. And Six Flags has a cute little train car devoted to "lost parents" and baby care, complete with rocking chair for baby nursing and staffed by a cute little old lady and her bible. The kids had a ball with Sam and her crew, who have season passes and got us in for free. Thanks again for letting us tag along!

The crew, minus Booger Head.

Ugly: My stupid hair after being out in the 100% humidity all afternoon. I hate it's indecisiveness. Be curly or be straight but enough with this stupid frizz.

Bad: Booger Head is growing up way too fast. We fed him cereal last night...

Good: Booger Head is big enough for solid foods which means it is going to get to be a lot easier to leave the house with him.

Ugly: The diapers I know are now coming. Ugh.

Bad: I had to call and yell at a lot of people last week. The city, who claim that my bill was late even though it wasn't. And I know that it wasn't because I made Dad drop it off at 2am (after I remembered that we STILL hadn't dropped it off and it was due tomorrow) before we went to bed so that I wouldn't have to drag all the monsters over there and out of the car to go in the office to pay it. The insurance company, see below. Who called me the next day to tell me that it had been canceled even though it had already been billed and was now on it's way out. Way to go on the interoffice communication guys! And Dish Network. I just wanted to get a receiver that would record more than one thing at a time and wouldn't require me to sell a child or an appendage. Apparently that can't be done. I refuse to pay $200 for something and then pay a monthly "equipment fee" just for the privilege of owning it. And Scooter coped an attitude with me when I said. "I have a remote too. I'm not paying a fee for that yet." Watch it buddy, I don't need your crap.

Good: We arranged a babysitting swap with some friends who NEVER get to go out (sadness) and are going to trade kids once a month. It'll be nice to save some $$$ on babysitting. Dad and I have a bad habit of going out whether or not we can afford it. I can't help it, sometimes I have to get out of here. And sometimes I like to take Dad with me.

Ugly: My electric bill was dang near $300. Stupid weather. It's supposed to be beautiful this week. I opened windows and turned the air off this morning. Love it.

Bad: If I don't do the laundry today I'll be forced to go volunteer at the school tomorrow "without apparel." And I'm willing to bet they frown on that. And there are towels I had forgotten were in the washer...and they have been there for days and now need to be washed again. Which caused me to lose all my laundry doing momentum.

Good: The Amazing Race is back! Dad and I LOVE that show. He likes to think he would dominate and I like to imagine what a pain I would be and how much all of America would hate me by the time we were done. Which wouldn't take very long because I am whiny and he's not as young as he thinks he is, even if he is a genius. But seriously, that chick took a watermelon to the face last night! How are her eyes unblackened and her nose not broken?

Ugly: My house after two weeks of what feels like nightly baseball, tee-ball and cub scout meetings. It's bad. I am so looking forward to the season being over so I don't have to nurse on the sidelines in a camp chair EVER again and so that I have time to at least pretend I cleaned something up.

And just so we can end on a high note, one last Good: I don't have to go anywhere today. Which really doesn't happen to me very often anymore. Bring on the jammies, cuddling with Ralph during a movie and letting my eyelids win the battle. All while neglecting the laundry. It's gonna be a good day.

I Tried to Make It!

I kind of wish I had saved this project for today, I am in dire need of some craft therapy right now...but I am thinking about scraping it and starting over so maybe it's okay...

It is really hard to get a good photo of this thing...I like it. I am not in love with it...I'll 'splain why in a sec. Inspiration came from HERE. Here are some closer shots...

If you followed the link you should take note of how flowy and relaxed her curls are. Not mine. Mine are short and tight...I wonder if this says something about the difference in our personalities? Flowy and relaxed versus obsessive and high strung? It sort of makes me chuckle each time I look at it, a physical representation of just how tightly I am wound these days...I got all excited about this and bought a bunch of quilling paper and actual quilling tools...I'm kind of bummed that I don't love it.

Yeah. I am going to have to do it again. Dang it. I also dislike how stark the back ground is...I'll have to see if I can do something with that...I'll keep you posted.

I Have Done Your Job Before And It's Not As Hard As You Make It Out To Be

Dear Aetna Rx Home Delivery,

I'll get right to the point because I am seriously PO'd with you and not in the mood to prance around the issue at hand. It's no secret that I hate you and would rather fill my prescriptions at normal pharmacies like normal people but since when does the insurance company give a crap about what I want...

When a doctor faxes you a prescription for a medication for a patient you FILL THE #$%& PRESCRIPTION AND YOU PUT IT IN THE MAIL. That is your job is it not?! You can't not to your job. It's medicine, not Skittles. Somebody needs it and it's your freaking job to do it. ARRRRGGGG! You don't get to not fill something. Ever. For any reason. You call and pester the patient for their new credit card number, because their stupid bank changed their stupid card number AGAIN, and then you send an email with absolutely no information other than "Your order has been canceled." WTH?! GGRRRRRRRRR!

There just aren't words...

Mom

New Coinage

Dear Oriental Trading Co.,

A while back I ordered a few sets of your plastic coins in an effort to bribe my children to behave. You know, the ones that say things like "I Was Caught Being Good." It worked for a while but the local economy seems to have taken a bit of a downward turn. But wait, don't panic. I have a plan. Job creation! How about you start minting coins that say things like:

• I get to sit in the car at the next store
• I was put to bed without taking a bath
• I got out ALL of my toys
• I screamed loud enough for the neighbors to hear
• I peed on something I shouldn't have

 I am certain that with your help we can change things for the locals and revamp the local economy.

Sincerely,
Mom

A Well Matched Pair...

Remember THIS?

I got a box of happiness in the mail yesterday. Stinky lugged it in when he got home from school, "Hey Mom! Is this for us?!" And it sat next to the door while I fed Booger Head...I hurried him a lot. After he was fed and changed he supervised the box opening from the Jumperoo.
 

After I had my box all gone through I sat on the floor thinking how awesome and hilarious it was that we had so much in common. Seriously, it was so funny. Then I got up and looked at the compy and Mary had messaged me asking if I was her long lost twin. :)

He he...this is so exciting! We SAHMs love mail. It's sort of a high point in the day...this cracked me up.

I love the "Please don't touch me." look on that woman's face. The first goodie I came across was a code for a photo book from Snapfish that was written in the card. Awesomeness! 

Then came this...

 I am totally going to have to make Dad clean the tub so I can have a bath.

 Mmmm...."What about these Mom? Are these for us?" Bunch of vultures...

Mary hates candy corn but loves the pumpkins, so she feeds the candy corn to her kids. Brilliant! I don't mind candy corn but after a handful of pieces I am done for the season...LOVE the little pumpkins. See? Hilariously similar.

Oh. My. Gosh. Mary, you are my new favorite person. I grew up on this stuff! My grandmother sends certificates for Mother's Day and stuff throughout the year and since we don't have See's here in TX (Mom sobs uncontrollably) I hoard them and take them with us when we go to Utah. So I end up with something like $60 in store credit at Sees. Wonderful, is it not? But it gets better, this cute little box had one of each of my top three favorites!

Hmmmm...you wanna know when the last time I read a magazine that did not include an article on potty training was? Bummer, because I can't remember. I learned that Katy Perry is engaged to Russell Brand, speaking of freaks and weirdos, and no matter what she claims I am willing to bet that Kate's secret is extensive airbrushing on her photos.

I know! How cool is that?! That polish is called Outrageous and there is no good way to photograph what an awesome color it is! It's already on my toes :) I gave the eye mask a shot last night too...I was like a very relaxed super hero.

I am also a gum chewer. I usually have two packs in my purse, one minty and one not minty. Cinnamon is also an option but it's its own family. And Classic Bubble gum is my favorite, I love that smell.

This stuff is delicious! I looooove the smell. Body butter is amazing stuff.

 It's practically a requirement for you to carry this stuff around when you're constantly being followed by a horde of germy monsters, and this smells way better than plain Purel. Mmmmmm...

See? I couldn't have been matched up better, and I can't wait to do it again!

Thanks Mary! That was awesome! (and Pickles appreciates box)

Embrace the Camera, Reluctant Child Edition

You would not believe how hard it was to get him to sit still for this. I practically had to sit on him...maybe that could be our next picture. Apparently he's too cool to be in pictures with his Mom.

8

Sam tagged me, and I hate to be the one loser who was too cool to participate...so here's goes. 

Do you collect anything?  What is it?  If not, do you WISH you did?

Ummm...dust? Calories? Naughty children. Good books. Dad says, "craft projects." I have a couple of Precious Moments figurines and a couple Willow Tree things, but I'm not really a collector of either...

What room in your house would you most like to remodel?  Would your answer change if someone else was paying for it?

On my own dime I would have to say the living room, because all it needs is paint and curtains. And the awesome cow print cocktail ottoman I am planning on making just as soon as I have time to scrounge up a good sized coffee table for the base. On someone else's dime I would say the master bedroom. It is the family dumping ground for all the stuff we don't know what to do with and stuff we don't have time to clean up before company comes.

What is your LEAST favorite chore?  Do you hate it enough to get a maid to do it, or are you too anal for that?

Laundry. Hands down. And I would ABSOLUTELY hire someone to do it. In. A. Heartbeat.

Have you ever broken a bone?  What, and how?
Toes. Jumping off the edge of a swimming pool. But nothing that ever required a cast.

Music.  Do you have a go to album that you play to get you motivated, or do you just blare the radio, and pray that something peppy comes on?
I have a play-list of stuff I like loaded on to the compy, lappy and my zune. But sometimes I just turn on the radio...

How do you keep track of your schedule?  Old fashioned calendar?  Set alerts on your phone?  Fly by the seat of your pants, and pray you don't forget a Parent/Teacher conference?
Old fashioned calendar hanging on the wall in the kitchen. And I love it. It looks all organized just by virtue of being a calendar and I like to look at the week ahead and know what I have to do and when. I use the alarm on my phone when I accidentally lay down so that I know when I have to get up to feed a whiny baby or fetch some monsters.

Cooking, baking, or neither?
I don't mind either. As long as the kitchen is clean. I hate and despise having to make dinner in a dirty kitchen.

Are you brand name specific, or are generics just as good?  What is one product you would NEVER replace with a generic brand?
Hmmmm...I generally buy the same brand each time I buy something but some of them are generics, does that make sense? Generic Downy just doesn't smell the same...

I am supposed to tag 8 other people with 8 new questions...but as you might notice if you glance to the right there I have only 7 followers...one of them being Sam. :) The virtues of being unknown virtually. :)

I Made It!

I love craft projects. Anyone who knows me will attest to this. Hobby Lobby is one of my favorite stores, as long as I don't have to go alone with the kids. I spend a lot of time poking around online gathering up ideas for stuff I want to make. Seriously, I have a folder full of bookmarks for stuff I want to try to do...after the kids are in bed I either need to eat chocolate or make something. And crafting has fewer calories than an entire bag of Dove squares... It's pure awesomeness to be in a house full of stuff you crafted.

After I finally finished a project I thought would be quick tonight, but ended up taking forever because Booger Head was totally uncooperative about letting me finish in one sitting, it occurred to me that I ought to link them up!

So here's my first installation of "I Made It!"

Inspiration came from HERE. The only thing I changed, because I have a tendency to do that when I am crafting, was the paper strip width. She says the paper strips are supposed to be 1/2 inch. I made one teeny one that way. I thought they were too skinny and it took about twenty strips to make a decent looking ball. So I made those two with 3/4 inch strips and was much happier with the end result.

Love, love, love them!

Lessons Learned

If you learn something new everyday then it should stand to reason that you would learn at least seven new things each week...here's what I learned this week.

1. The reason they have such a hard time finding people who are interested in volunteering to coach T-ball is because they are so FREAKING UNORGANIZED! Seriously! Please hire a woman to keep track of all of this stuff. I am sure it can be done.

2. Stinky needs to have a cup if he is going to play catcher. Well excuuuuuse me. No one said that was a needed piece of equipment and how the crap was I supposed to know?

3. Stinky doesn't like playing catcher anymore. This is his first year of coach pitch and last night he had his first game. He was totally freaked out by how fast they were throwing the ball RIGHT AT HIM. He walked off the field after he got hit in the ankle. He was done. Perhaps later on in the season we can revisit that position but for now I think he should be out in the field.

4. I learned how to make the photocopier at the school punch holes in stuff. I was very relieved to find out that after an entire summer of being too tired to do anything I am still smarter than the copier. Nice, happy piles of organized copies.

5. Apparently I am a model of efficiency. (HA. I know, right?) Stinky's teacher seriously over estimated how long it would take me to copy the little pile she had. I was in and out of there in an hour. I have to be fast. I have four children. I don't get to take my time doing anything.

6. Taking a three year old to the ball park for four hours and expecting him to not run onto each and every field there at least once is like asking him not to think about elephants. Hey? Who is that short kid out there? @#$%! Where's Ralph?

7. There are people out there who are older than me who still think that High School was great. And I know a few of them.

Quote of the Day

After Pinky took a spill in the kitchen I asked her how many times I had said not to run in the kitchen. Her response was, "One." Yeah. Not. WAAAAY more than one. And she said...

"Fine. Four thousand and ten then."

Can I Still Blame the New Baby for My Laziness?

Okay. So I suck. Where the heck have I been? Let's see...


Pinky signed up for T-ball this year instead of taking another year of ballet, this would have been her third year. Of course she didn't decide she didn't want to take ballet until after her mother had ordered her a new leotard and a new pair of shoes. Grrrr. Her T-Ball team was without a coach and they were going to have to cancel the season but Dad stepped in to save the day at the last minute. Because between his full time job, his three different part time computery jobs and being the Cub Master for our local pack he has waaaay too much leisure time on his hands. So he and I have been spending a lot of time learning more than I ever wanted to know about T-ball and T-balls and uniforms and league rules...all for an 8 week season. Yeah. She's been a total diva about the whole thing and embarrassed Dad so badly at the first practice that we had to have a performance discussion with her when they got home.


It's been especially fun since Stinky is also playing his first season of coach pitch. His team had a coach for a minute but he pulled his kid from the team and backed out at the last minute...now the president of the local baseball association is coaching his team. So every week we have at least two practices and two games, which may or may not be at the same time and at the same ball fields. And we have one car. And one Ralph. And one nursing baby. And one Mom who hates being outside in the Texas sun. It's been so much fun. I may cry when it's finally over.


Booger Head has been boogery the last two weekends in a row. JUST when we started sleeping laying down...dang baby. He sounds awful. We had to break down and borrow a swing while we waited for Graco to figure out how to mail us a new one. I called, then I emailed, then I got a Twitter account just so I could gripe at them there (I hate Twitter...it's like living in text message), then I was FINALLY contacted. Then nothing. So I sent another email, twittered some more about how PO'd I was and then sent another nasty email. Two days later FedEx dropped a motor on my door step. And I haven't checked Twitter since then.


I took Booger Head in for his 4 month well check on Monday...sniff sniff. He really is my fattest baby. At a whopping 13lbs 14oz. I was a huge idiot and got there by 10 thinking that my appointment was at 10 and then I sat in the waiting room with Ralph and Booger Head for half an hour thinking "Seriously. What the crap? It's never taken this long before..." Yeah. 10:30 appointment. Nice Mom. Real nice.


Stinky decided that he doesn't believe in Santa Claus anymore. And started preaching to the other children about his new found unbelief. We made him stop shouting it from the roof tops but we still aren't sure how we're going to handle his unbelief as we approach the holiday season.


Ralph and I are still enjoying the semi quiet that exists around here without all the other monsters home all day long. We've come to realize, just since school started, that he doesn't perform for Dad and I. It's all for Stinky. I swear he's a totally different kid when he's alone. It's weird.


Dad NetFlix-ed PeeWee's playhouse (aka: Pervert's Playhouse). Oh. My. Gosh. That is hands down the dumbest thing my children have ever watched. It's gotta be right up there with Barney and Yo Gabba Gabba. I kid you not if one more disk of that crap shows up at my house in the next month Dad will lose his NetFlix queue privileges.


My good buddy Sami and I have started volunteering at the elementary school again. Making neat, organized piles of copies makes the crazy in me very happy. And happy crazy is better than an unhappy crazy any day.


The laundry and I made up for a minute but it refuses to stay done and I am tired of being the one doing all the work in this relationship. So we're back to ignoring each other.


And I tried to cut my thumb off with a mandolin slicer. Yeah. That finger guard they included? They weren't kidding and it's not just for show.

I Am Not Well

I've just been diagnosed with severe child-caused-exhaustion by Dr. Ralph, a world renowned exhaustion expert. A second opinion was obtained from a colleague of his, a doctor by the name of Booger-Head, and the diagnosis was confirmed.

Unfortunately my insurance company doesn't cover six nights hotel in Mazatlan, which is the only known cure for CCE. There's no hope for me, save your self!

Embrace the Camera, Big Fat Cheater Edition

What?! I'm in that picture! Whose knuckle do you think those tiny gums of steel are clamping down on?

The Bad Wife

She was very, very lazy. She spent the whole three day weekend doing waaaay too much of this...

Well not all that...when she wasn't doing that she was sleeping. :) Or nursing. But she spent waaaay too much time this weekend NOT doing this...

Ugh. Bad, lazy wife. When Dad makes his first million I am totally going to hire someone to fold the laundry. Blah...

Little Man Of The House

Now that the older monsters are gone at school, and Booger Head is still too little to care what's happening, Ralph is mostly free to do what he will during the day. Admittedly, I've been a bit surprised at how non-destructive he is when he's here alone...and all this time I thought he was the trouble maker...

Here's a glimpse into a school day in the life of Ralph.

Wake up shortly after the other kids leave. Make sure that just enough time has passed that Mom starts to think she may actually get to go back to bed. Good morning Ralph...I see you're already yourself this morning.

After disposing of a PullUp that may or may not be dry we move onto breakfast...

Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys...which is basically Cocoa Puffs with marshmallows. I tried a bowl once, just to see, and they made my teeth hurt. Gross Ralph. I gotta say I love the two handed approach you're taking. Wonder to yourself why the crap Mom is taking all these pictures of you...

Due to your method of cereal eating you'll have to wash up after breakfast...the dirtier the bathroom mirror is the better.

Since no one is here to stop you, and all Mom is doing is capturing photographic evidence, find Stinky's Didj and erase all the user accounts but your own. Little turd.

Here's where I wake and feed Booger Head, who sleeps until 9 or 10 if I let him...can you blame him? He was up until 2am he's very tired. Then Ralph gets to watch whatever he wants! Because no one is here to argue with him. On this particular day I fell asleep while nursing and was not heard from again until this movie was over...dangit.

Lunchtime. Or more appropriately, pick-at-whatever-Mom-makes-and-complain-about-how-it's-not-what-you-wanted time. On this particular day Ralph ate a piece of American cheese, a handful of Craisins and half a glass of apple juice. Nice, huh?

After lunch Ralph has a shower or, if he begs a lot, a bath. Sometimes he even gets bubbles...it takes YEARS of practice before you're able to say "No!" to that face.

After he's dressed, and his hair is awesome, I finally get tired of listening to him beg to play computer games and agree to let him play while I take a shower.

Then it's time to get Booger Head up and fed and then head out to pick up the kids. Today Ralph begged to ride his scooter to the school...and I let him. Cause I'm nice like that.

I was impressed by his patience while we were doing this...he ran it into the grass or stumbled off every six feet or so, but never got frustrated and kept getting back on. Hmmm...it appears that helmet may be too small.

Thanks for letting me pester you with the camera all day Ralph. I love you buddy.

Dear Sirs...and Cat

Dear Terminix,

I gotta say guys, I am not impressed. We had Orkin for four years before I got suckered into switching to a different company, that you bought out two weeks after I signed up, and I NEVER had bugs in the house. Ever. This morning alone I have killed two sizable arachnids, bringing the total count of giant spiders in my space in the few weeks we've been back from vacation up to three; which, coincidentally is exactly three spiders over my tolerance level. Last time the #$%& thing rushed me in the bathroom, while I leaned against the counter. It came running out of my husbands towel! Do you have any idea how hard it is to grab a towel off of a towel hook that has so recently been a spider habitat? Or how it bad it makes your arm hurt to shake a towel out while hiding the rest of your body behind a glass shower door?

Until my contract with you is up, in another year, (and I go crawling back to Orkin and beg forgiveness for ever leaving) please get your act together.

Sincerly,
Mom




Dear Pickles,

What the #$%&? Get off your furry butt and take care of the bugs around here would ya? Geez cat...

Serioulsy. I mean now.
Mom