Daily Mail

Dear Monsters,

Please, for the love of all that is holy, STOP breathing your nasty sick germs on the baby. I can't just plop his heavy baby butt in the swing when he gets sick anymore. We went through an entire set of D batteries between the hours of 4 and 9 this morning. No joke.

Cover your mouth or go away. Seriously.
Mom


Dear 4am,

I hate you. I've had my fill of you the last two nights in a row and I hope to never see your stupid shiny blue numbers ever again.

Take a hike.
Mom


Dear Booger Head,

Honey, I know you don't feel good... but could you please stop screaming at me? It's not my fault. It was the other kids, scream at them. I would be happy to hold and rock you in the comfy chair in front of a Baby Einstein movie all night long if you would just stop screaming at me. Maybe getting some sleep would help you feel better? ...I'm just sayin'.

I love you even when you're a pain in the butt.
Mom


Dear Self,

Congrats on actually getting all the laundry washed. I have to admit I didn't see it happening, what with the dryer conspiring against us and all. But seriously, fold it. Like now. Fold it. Put it away and quit telling the children that they "know where their basket of laundry is." It's very redneck to live out of laundry baskets. Seriously.

If you fold it all before Sonic closes tonight you can have a treat.
Mom