Yeah.
Hang on just a second while I go grab my soap box.
I have a pretty thick skin. Don't get me wrong, I still find this to be cowardly and hurtful. I know a lot of people who would be slain by something like this. This is the kind of thing that makes people quit going to church. I think if you're gutsy enough to send something like this out you ought to be gutsy enough to own it.
Dear anoymous sister,
I can't learn from your mistakes. I have to make my own. And we all have regrets. I'm sorry that you feel that the choices your children have made are your fault.
I have high expectations for my children. I expect them to behave, to be respectful, and to do what they're told when they're told to do it. As a result of those expectations I have really good kids who I am very proud of. When they misbehave they are disciplined swiftly and firmly, which sometimes means getting drug out of church by your arm to have a time out because you mouthed off to your mother during sacrament meeting. I have very low tolerance for crap from my kids and yes, it does occasionally bite me in the butt.
All mothers have moments where they feel like witches. Those who don't are either liars or pushovers. Those moments of despair are born from days and days of struggling with strong willed children who know how to push your buttons. They come from hour upon hour of screaming baby who can't sleep because their siblings can't grasp the concept of quiet at bedtime. They thrive on day after monotonous day of laundry and dishes and whining and "sharing." We all have days where we feel like all we did was yell and say "No." Welcome to motherhood. It's not always glitter and play-dough.
My children are loved and happy and they are thriving. They are not "rejected" at home. They are cherished and encouraged and cuddled and read to and played with. I am guessing by this letter than you don't know me very well or you would know that the "harsh" moments are generally far between, you would know that time out ends with a hug and an I love you. You would know that hugs and kisses and tickles run like water around here.
You would also know that I am generally not one to concern myself with what other people think.
As I have said before I don't need you to tell me what you think I am doing wrong. If you're so concerned about the well being of my children why don't you offer to give me a hand instead of sending me hate mail. Chances are that I'll turn you down, but that would be a much less hurtful way to ofter the help you seem to think that I am in such desperate need of.
aubrey
7 comments:
Eirik asked me how my grandmother got your address! We love you, Aubrey! You should do what a lady in my ward did when she received a letter anonymously. She read it, tossed it in the fire and never looked back!
that's kinda funny that someone actually sent an annonymous letter. I think you're doing a great job - I yell at Kiara regularly and I only have ONE to deal with... especially after bedtime. I have no patience at all after about 8:30 pm.
I think there's a line between harshness and beign a pushover that can be hard to find, but you do need to be firm with your kids, and it's possible to be firm AND loving, it's not an either/or situation. In the long run having standards you expect them to keep is better for them, better for you, and better for the rest of the world that has to deal with them as they grow up.
I am shocked that someone would send that letter. I know you are a good mom Aubrey!! She most definitely IS a witch in my book :) How could she think that would be okay to write AND then send it ???
As for her children, there is that little thing called "agency". This must have really pushed my buttons because I never comment!! Love you and I know your are a great person and mom.
I read that letter and all I could do was feel utter astonishment, and then hurt for you. I'm so glad that you can see it for what it is. I don't think I would be able to do that, if it had been sent to me. We, as mothers have so many struggles, it does not help to tear eachother down. It is ABSOLUTELY wonderful that you expect respect and obedience from your children. So many people don't anymore. In the world we live in today, it is necessary. You are fortunate to understand that, and one day your children will thank you from the bottom of their hearts for it. I think you are wonderful, and I'm happy that we've gotten to know eachother. Hang in there! You're awesome!
There's always a bad apple out there just waiting to let her dumb, non-thinking spoil leak into the dark cowardly corners of our church. I know you, Aubrey, and I know you exaggerate how "mean" you are and how aggravating parenting can. Your observations and comments SLAY me - You make me laugh out loud constantly, and I am so very glad to know you. Maybe this annonymous person doesn't know you very well, or can't recognize sarcasm? I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you and I think you're an AWESOME parent. An awesome person! Period. I have been on the receiving end of many dumb, hurtful, even vicious comments from some of our sisters over the years. Maybe I've even said stupid things and offended someone myself (without meaning to). It's hard not to judge the judgemental, to not criticize the critical, to forgive the unforgiving. As hard as it is, God asks that we love them all, even the stupid, dumb, hurtful, unthinking, holy-er-than-thou, rotten, evil, stinky, putrid ones, like Sister Anonymous here. Oh, and not call them names (wink).
Hiding behind anonimity is cowardice; it is not caring and concern! We all do the best we can. Being a mother is the hardest job out there, It is the hardest job I have ever done...including teaching high school... You are doing a great job and you can be proud of your children. I love you!
Post a Comment